the body/mind distinction is such a naïve attempt at explaining away the inner contradictions of seeing oneself as one, but failing to fully experience the supposed, the purposeful oneness

imposing a simple order on top of a contradiction, not replacing it, not admitting the mistake, but merely hiding it underneath another faulty layer, broken in exactly the same way

admitting that the one is always a fiction — a dynamic abstraction constructed and held up in a semi-coordinated way by an unordered, ultimately unorderable set of forces and resonators — resolves the tension much better

the contradiction is made explicit, instead of covered up

the eye and the ‘I’

i wonder how much the bottleneck characteristic of eyes (attention is focused on a tiny angle) has a part in shaping an inner image of the I as the agent that uses the eye

the organ of prime attention is assumed to reflect back on the carrier of the organ and their entire being

but compare sound, hearing

sound is all around you, no matter which way you turn your head

focusing your attention is so much harder with sound, and yet, this is not commonly taken as evidence of an undirected, always-integrated inner, unable to separate from the outer

the convenience of being ‘one’

“I am looking at you” is built on self-individuation that is extended to, applied to the unordered other to make them one and acknowledge, or assume, their self-individuation

there is pressure to be one—it is convenient for others to be able to rely on my oneness

they know how to make plans with someone, how to talk about something with them

it’s efficient and simple

as soon as you unleash the contradictions, the unorderedness, as soon as you allow yourself a break from the purposeful abstraction, it becomes difficult to interact with ones

but if they let go of their own oneness, things become simple again

the ‘I’ can be the ‘other’

“I am not here” could be said about oneself in the third person

the fiction failed to construct itself

the power of defocusing

there is another thing i learned from brazilian jiu-jitsu that’s related

the most effective way to watch your opponent is not to look at them, look them in the eye or any other body part

it is to defocus and perceive everything that’s happening using your whole body

and of course the premise was already wrong: you are never watching them — you are watching both of you, and the space in between, and the floor underneath

if you can predict and influence their movements, how different is that from controlling your own body

and when two body parts touch, neither of them can continue on its way without resistance

controlling and being controlled occur at the same time

the power of extending the ‘one’

another related thing: the experience of performing on stage

if the room doesn’t become part of you, the conceptual distinction will probably manifest itself in a lack of resonance between you and them

being one is a kind of resonance

choice, but whose

i am sitting in a park, but “I am not here”

do i want there to be an I? should the I act as one? what happens if i don’t?

a paradox is at the core of experiencing the world